Staring out the window as we approached our landing in DC, my eyes couldn’t stop from welling up with tears and my emotions overflowed as I pondered where this next path would take me. I wiped my tears as we touched down, and said a silent prayer that I had the strength to keep the faith. My dear friend Justin had arranged a place for me to stay with his friend who had recently lost her husband, “I think you two will be good for each other” he said, “I can see you staying up late over wine talking for hours, connecting…” I trust Justin, as he’s always been there for me since we were 20 years old, kids running around in Spain together; but I was still terrified. My life had just turned up side down, and as strong of a cookie I proclaimed to be, I was torn apart at the seams.
Turns out Justin was right. Donna and I became fast friends, sharing stories of love and loss, hope and rebuilding. During the next two days, I explored Old Town, with all the gas lamps lit on the historic front porches, made friends with Liz the bartender at the local pub, and ran the banks of the Potomac in the morning sun. Then, as the rains came, I caught the bus to New York to see my dear Scotty for a few days. I knew we would laugh and drink and joke, and I knew he would help me heal.
Finding out that the man you married is an illusion, a tortured soul who causes pain to ease his own… it rips you to pieces and threatens the very trust you based life on. Yet, I consider myself lucky. I was able to leave the nightmare. I believe that the Universe conspired to bring me to Africa, and it knew I was strong enough to handle the consequences of the path that led me there. I do believe I have a purpose there, I felt it ever since 2005 when I went for the first time. The community there has welcomed me with open arms, and has shown me beautiful love and acceptance, and I have vowed to help them in return. Maybe I just had to go there to meet my Mona, my baby dog, my sweet spirit of an animal who sat on my lap and chose me as her human. I don’t know, but I will be returning to do more work, feel more connected with the heart beat of the Universe, and build more connections between there and here. But for now, I am here with the chance to go hug all of the people who I missed terribly, spend time with my friends who I love here in the States, and find a base.
I’ve been afraid to tell the world that my fantasy life and fairy tale story turned out to be a sham…but I’ve realized that in fact, it wasn’t. There is much to come from this experience, and at the end of the day, I wouldn’t change much. I love Africa, I love my life there, I love the people, the land, the openness, the honestly, the rawness of character, the absence of arrogance, nature. After posting today on Facebook a short confession of truth and hope for future, I have been overwhelmed with the feedback from my community of friends. You all have shown me compassion, strength, inspiration, hope, joy, and pureness of spirit & love, and I can’t thank you enough. I am certain now, more than ever, that I am living my purpose, being helped by all of you with your light, and that I am capable of whatever I conjure up in my wildest dreams. I’m excited for this next path, where I combine my worlds and make an even better one in the process. I fall asleep with love… thank you.